June 25, 2009

Governor Mark Sanford And His Magic Pants

I'm so sorry... that I got caught... I mean, that I had an affair...

I'm so sorry... that I got caught... I mean, that I had an affair...

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has admitted that he wasn’t hiking the Appalachian Trail, like his staff told the press. He was in Argentina banging a woman. While his wife and 4 kids were home.

See, Sanford did something wrong. And while he admitted it, that’s not really good enough.

Look at this picture. He looks like a lovesick schoolboy. It’s so insulting to any man who has ever resisted temptation. And temptation is out there for everyone.

Affairs don’t just “happen.” You don’t wake up and find your penis inside a woman other than your wife. Ooops! Sorry honey! It has a mind of its own.


So how did the Governor and his mistress meet? According to this site (which is called Spreadit.org, so it may not be 100% accurate – the link is work-safe though), “Mark Sanford met Maria back in 2001 in New York and the two developed a friendship after she asked the politician some advice on saving her marriage.” I can imagine the conversation now… “Well, the best way to save your marriage, dear, is to spice up the bedroom! I can help you with that…”

Politically, it’s always amusing when this happens, because the GOP Conservative Hive Mind only assaults Democrats who stray. Check out this gallery of “Cheating Politicans” from the ultra-conservative New York Post. It’s largely Democrats, despite the fact that there have been loads of Republicans as well. There are a couple on there, but the focus is on the Dems. There will be some finger-wagging and tounge-clucking, but nothing like Clinton or John Edwards. Oh, and this from March of 2009. “Small-government conservatives have found their champion.” The problem there is that many conservative leaders add morality to the list of issues they support. Sanford himself invoked God and Christianity yesterday. It’s insanely hypocritical, and insulting. I’m not very religious but if I were, I would find the invokation of God in the face of an extra-marital affair nothing more than a slap in the face. Who the hell do you think you are, Sanford? I’ll tell you. You’re a guy who wanted to dip his wick into another woman. Here’s a quote from his press conference: “I was struggling with regard to where my heart was.” What are you, a character in a John Hughes movie? No. You know why? Because John Hughes wouldn’t write a line as shitty as that one. The only struggle you had was with your dick. Admit it.

Personally, I don’t think the fact that he cheated on his wife makes him a bad Governor, at least not necessarily. But it certainly makes him a bad guy. And from what I’ve seen, he’s not all that sorry. Mostly he’s sorry he got caught.


If you’re interested, here’s more about this moron.

Mark Sanford Mistress Apartment Photo

Mark Sanford and his puppy dog eyes – don’t you just want to give him a hug? And by “hug” I mean “kick in the nuts”.

Mark Sanford Mistress Name Revealed – Maria Belen Shapur – he was helping her with her marriage. By having sex with her. Hey, you’ve got to try, right?

Mark Sanford Emails to Mistress Maria Belen Shapur – WOW. Check this out:

“You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”

What a fucking idiot.

Image: BumpShack (which could be where Sanford and his ladyfriend got it on. Thank you! I’ll be here all week!)