August 26, 2011

Tip: Don’t Have Nice Furniture [DaddyTips]

How to Clean Just About Anything for Next to Nothing, Kindle Edition

When you are a parent, things will get stained. For this reason, you should not have nice furniture until your children are out of the house. Today’s DaddyTip is simple — Don’t Have Nice Furniture.There are times in a person’s life when they acquire new furniture. A new apartment, or a marriage. There’s a reason you don’t buy a new living room set to celebrate to birth of a child.

Because said child will, in all likelihood, puke on your couch.

Not *my* kid, you say. *My* child is *very* clean and neat. *My* child only pukes in the toilet. To this I say the following — ha! Or, to quote Christian Bale, oooo, goooood for you.

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Remember when you went to your grandparents’ house and they have plastic on all the furniture? Remember how stupid you thought that was? Doesn’t seem so stupid now, does it?

What I’m trying to say is that being a parent means you can’t have nice things. Some will disagree. Those people probably have homes large enough to accommodate rooms that their children are not allowed to enter. If you have such a home, good on ya, mate! For the rest of us, we’ll just stick with the couch we already have, and wait until the kids have left for college before considering an upgrade.

You may, if you choose to do so, upgrade your furniture when your children are presumably old enough to handle the responsibility of eating, drinking and breathing in a manner that does not cause massive stains. Personally, I’m not convinced this day will ever come. Perhaps I’m pessimistic. Or perhaps my opinion is simply colored by the fact that I just spent ten minutes scrubbing red gatorade out of my couch. Is it pessimism to simply acknowledge the truth?

How to Clean Just About Anything for Next to Nothing [Kindle Edition] image via Amazon