Jun 25 2009

Governor Mark Sanford And His Magic Pants

I'm so sorry... that I got caught... I mean, that I had an affair...

I'm so sorry... that I got caught... I mean, that I had an affair...

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has admitted that he wasn’t hiking the Appalachian Trail, like his staff told the press. He was in Argentina banging a woman. While his wife and 4 kids were home.

See, Sanford did something wrong. And while he admitted it, that’s not really good enough.

Look at this picture. He looks like a lovesick schoolboy. It’s so insulting to any man who has ever resisted temptation. And temptation is out there for everyone.

Affairs don’t just “happen.” You don’t wake up and find your penis inside a woman other than your wife. Ooops! Sorry honey! It has a mind of its own.


So how did the Governor and his mistress meet? According to this site (which is called Spreadit.org, so it may not be 100% accurate – the link is work-safe though), “Mark Sanford met Maria back in 2001 in New York and the two developed a friendship after she asked the politician some advice on saving her marriage.” I can imagine the conversation now… “Well, the best way to save your marriage, dear, is to spice up the bedroom! I can help you with that…”

Politically, it’s always amusing when this happens, because the GOP Conservative Hive Mind only assaults Democrats who stray. Check out this gallery of “Cheating Politicans” from the ultra-conservative New York Post. It’s largely Democrats, despite the fact that there have been loads of Republicans as well. There are a couple on there, but the focus is on the Dems. There will be some finger-wagging and tounge-clucking, but nothing like Clinton or John Edwards. Oh, and this from March of 2009. “Small-government conservatives have found their champion.” The problem there is that many conservative leaders add morality to the list of issues they support. Sanford himself invoked God and Christianity yesterday. It’s insanely hypocritical, and insulting. I’m not very religious but if I were, I would find the invokation of God in the face of an extra-marital affair nothing more than a slap in the face. Who the hell do you think you are, Sanford? I’ll tell you. You’re a guy who wanted to dip his wick into another woman. Here’s a quote from his press conference: “I was struggling with regard to where my heart was.” What are you, a character in a John Hughes movie? No. You know why? Because John Hughes wouldn’t write a line as shitty as that one. The only struggle you had was with your dick. Admit it.

Personally, I don’t think the fact that he cheated on his wife makes him a bad Governor, at least not necessarily. But it certainly makes him a bad guy. And from what I’ve seen, he’s not all that sorry. Mostly he’s sorry he got caught.


If you’re interested, here’s more about this moron.

Mark Sanford Mistress Apartment Photo

Mark Sanford and his puppy dog eyes – don’t you just want to give him a hug? And by “hug” I mean “kick in the nuts”.

Mark Sanford Mistress Name Revealed – Maria Belen Shapur – he was helping her with her marriage. By having sex with her. Hey, you’ve got to try, right?

Mark Sanford Emails to Mistress Maria Belen Shapur – WOW. Check this out:

“You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light – but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”

What a fucking idiot.

Image: BumpShack (which could be where Sanford and his ladyfriend got it on. Thank you! I’ll be here all week!)

Jun 03 2009

Thoughts on Gay Marriage

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile now and after writing this post on Babble about Dick Cheney’s stance on the issue I decided to go a little further.

Here’s my question: how is it that this is an issue at all?

Let me explain. I think anyone who wants to get married should be able to do so. Radical, I know. Because who cares? The borscht-belt-esque joke of “if gay people want to suffer the same as us straights, I say go ahead” isn’t all that funny but that’s right. Please. Get married. Have a party. If it’s someplace fun, invite me. If I can get a babysitter, I’m there.

I have a friend who says that she can’t understand how anyone can be against gays getting married. What’s the problem, she says. My answer is always the same: religion. At the core of every gay marriage protester is “God Gave Adam Eve, Not Steve”. When politicians say that they believe that “marriage is between a man and a woman” but are in favor of civil unions, they mean that they don’t care if people get together and reap the benefits of a “union”, but they don’t want that union to be recognized by their church. (This is President Barack Obama’s stated position, although I personally think that’s just what he thinks he needs to say politically.)

So here’s my point. Why is it an issue what a religious organzation does? Wasn’t the United States founded, in part, on the “separation of church and state”? With that in mind, isn’t it weird that religious people have any say at all when it comes to this matter? If you get married before a Justice of the Peace, that’s a legal marriage. End of story. There is no reason why that marriage can’t be between two men or two women. Whether or not you have a church/temple/mosque wedding is irrelevant.

One way to go, of course, would be to pass a law saying that religious marriages are no longer recognized by the government. THAT would go over big.